This isn't what I'm supposed to be doing: Of Autumn, gratitude, elephants, and webisodes

This isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.

I've given myself an hour to write this morning, and this isn't on the list. I'm supposed to be focusing on a new episode in the web series to bridge the gap between "old Emily" and "new Emily," when she meets "character name to be determined." I suppose this episode will fall somewhere among the "bad date" episodes, of which I could still use a few more good tales of "WTF?" (I'm going to start prodding a few of you). I suspect the meeting of "character name to be determined" will fall in line right before the "Two Punch," of which I need a better... "Punch Line," and by punch line, I don't mean a Kermit the Frog (It's Muppet Day) punchline. I mean, a line that will give reason for a "two punch." Yep. It's a thing. In any case, I'm not doing any of that, but now we're all clear on what I should do tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow, the first day of Autumn. It's the start of one of the best seasons. I don't need to list the ways -- we know. I'll probably ring it in with Trader Joe's Pumpkin O's on the balcony. What? I couldn't find them last year, but this year there they were, readily available and sending me a sign... to eat them. I read something the other day about the Equinox bringing not only balanced days and nights, but balance back to our lives as well. Before I knew any of this, I made the aforementioned list and morning writing plan (which, I'm cleverly avoiding right now) to bring back my own balance of sorts (not that it was that far off, mind you). This is all a little bit coincidental, but it doesn't surprise me. Autumnal balance. That's kind of poetic, and nice. I'll buy it.

On the subject of balance, yesterday was "World Gratitude Day." I didn't actually write down any gratitudes, because, to be honest, I'm just grateful for it all right now. The universe guided me into this perfect place, which I never could've imagined. It's a wonderful time. I'm just grateful that when I close my eyes, and open them again it's all still real.

Today, I opened my eyes to "Elephant Appreciation Day," which doesn't seem to have much to do with either gratitude or balance, except for now I'm seeing this weird image that I imagine I've seen before of an elephant on a scale outweighing whatever is on the other end. Something like this, I suppose.

I don't think this is really an appreciative image, but it really ties this blog entry together, doesn't it?

So... My coffee cup is empty. I probably need to make another pot. It's time for work. I probably need to water the tomatoes, and put on my jeans - probably, in reverse order. In other words, we're going to jump to the moral.

What's the moral? There's always a moral with me, isn't there? There's always an "ah-ha!" look what she thought up today memo... So here it is:

Go appreciate an elephant, you fools! :)

#TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter

Today, I logged in for my bi-daily tweet. I've been trying really hard to embrace the Twitter Twattle, and well.. some days are better than others.

Today, as it happens, was a good day. I was excited to see a trend of ACTUAL interest. Apparently, writers of all sort were bonding over the topic #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter

It was actually the number one trend before #CecilTheLion stepped in. Here's a non-explanatory explanatory article on the topic.

http://time.com/3975448/things-not-to-say-to-writers-hashtag/?xid=tcoshare

Despite the voices in my head screaming, "You're not a writer. You're a fraud!" I decided to make my own list of #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter Yes, @amandapalmer the Fraud Police are after me too! I think they hide under my fingernails or something.

#HeresMyList

1. Are you working on anything?
2. Next, you should write a script with a female lead.
3. How do you find the time?
4. I have a great idea for you.
5. No offense, we thought you were a man.
6. I don't read.
7. Remember me when you get famous.
8. What were you on when you wrote that?
9. So, like are you going to try to sell that script? Or what will you do with it?
10. Good Job!

Voila! #TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter

What are yours?

Next Time: Hear about an impromptu plastic rat experiment created to "spice up the day."

A Series Reborn: Door Number Three, Dwight, and the Symbols

It's a funny thing -- writing fictional tales based on truths. It's a blurry line, shaky ground. It's door number three.

The true stories oftentimes are funny enough, but the truth in writing, on film, online, has to be just a little bit funnier. It has to have a punchline. In some cases, a two punchline. (Don't worry, that'll make sense later, but not later today. Unless, you already get it, then it's probably hilarious). The truth starts to bend as you make it funnier, and you kind of ask yourself why the heck you're doing this anyway. I mean, what's the point Dink? (see what I did there). Why am I doing this? Why play around with real stories, when I'd do just as well letting sleeping memories lie?

Lies. It's all lies anyway. I mean, I'm editing what will likely be episode three in the web series, I Didn't See That Coming, and there's a story about a river rock. The conversation happened. It was real. In the series, the conversation is with a made up character, though. She doesn't exist, She's just Tracy, friend (I guess) of Emily, the main character and a made up and probably cooler version of me. The whole time as I'm writing this, though, I'm thinking, "I know who I had this real conversation with, and that's kind of weird."

It's weird, right? I mean I know comedy writers do this all the time. That's what makes their shticks funny. It's funny when we know that this crazy character or that one could be our friend, our spouse, our ex, our imaginary hot coffee shop guy, or the loon next door. It's only funny, because we all have a Dwight Schrute in our own office, and he too may accept faxes from the future (I doubt there'll be faxing the future). I guess the answer to my great big why, is because life is funny, really funny. I mean, look around, it's frickin' hilarious. I make a note in my phone or my notepad about an idea for an episode in this series almost everyday. "That's going in the notes," I proclaim! (truth).

Anyway, back to the river rock. I only remember a sliver of the conversation. It was four years ago. I don't know anything, but the premise. There's a good chance I've partially imagined in my head who was there listening. I have no idea what the real response was, but I think he found it funny. He may not remember the interaction at all. That makes the memory mine and mine alone, and leaves me free to write about it. See, all that matters is that there was a conversation about a rock, and it was funny, and more importantly has the ability to be funnier.

The past is weird. Our brains are weird. Symbols are weird. Cymbals are weird. I need more coffee.



Attention!

A Series Reborn: The Ukulele, Maya Angelou, and That Poor Dummy

Hello and welcome back to this blog's original purpose. I've used and abused it for many missions in the last few years -- a poetry dropbox, a shameless self-promotional hub, a keeper of random monthly goals (met and unmet). However, I originally developed it as a partner piece for a web series. You know, that webisode link on the blog that doesn't go anywhere? Someday soon you might find out what that's about.

Someday soon is now.

Today, I began the great task of setting about adding, deleting, rearranging, and all-around re-examining the first several episodes of the series, which I drafted out earlier this year. Who are the major players? Who is made up, and who is real? Who gets to stay and who gets the boot? Are there two people who are really only one? Who gets to keep their real name (Office-style) and who gets a stage persona?

Then, there's that nagging question... How do I deal with the pilot having such a different tone then the rest of the series? I decided to go back to the origin of it. Where did the phrase, "I didn't see that coming," come from? Why did I say it that very first time? What was the joke? Why was it the punchline? Quickly, I realized it's something I said long before it seemed like a good title for a blog or a series. Maybe it doesn't matter at what point it became a tagline.... a title... a life mission... But, everything matters, right?

So, I entered my time-travel machine (aka the loo), and tried to recall those first few running gags that launched the gears into motion...



Yep.

Now (until otherwise corrected) I'm pretty sure it actually began in what is currently labeled "Episode 4: The Theme Song." This episode is inspired by a strange day when my friend Travis Duncan started playing "Don't Stop Believin'" on a ukulele he whipped out from under (or to the side of) his desk. I don't know if it was before or after the song that I exclaimed, "I didn't see that coming!" (though, I know I said it after). All I know is that has to be the moment when the light bulb blinked wildly and I shouted -- too loudly for an office setting -- "That's it! That's the title! That's it by Jove!" Well... Maybe I never said, "By Jove!" I'm putting the rest in print, though.

So, that said, Episode 4 is now going to be episode 1, because starting on the downer scene has, from the start, felt like the wrong thing, and who wants to do the wrong thing.

Now about Maya Angelou...

As soon as I knew episode one would be episode two, I also knew its monologue would need another re-write. I instantly got that quote in my head that goes something like: "You've got to know where you come from in order to know where you're going." I looked up it's source, and got quite a few dead ends. I love the phrase, "Cannot be attributed to any one person." Okay... So, I tried another search with only part of the quote, and turned up this one:

"I have great respect for the past. If you don't know where you've come from, you don't know where you're going. I have respect for the past, but I'm a person of the moment. I'm here, and I do my best to be completely centered at the place I'm at, then I go forward to the next place." - Maya Angelou

Then, I went about verifying that it was really Maya Angelou who said this, and not Abraham Lincoln, Yogi Berra, or the Irish Proverbs. Along the way I found this lovely list of her quotes, some of which may not be verified, but that doesn't make them any less lovely. This is one of my favorites. Also, I read the story that contains it, so I know it's real.

Next, I found this interview with Maya from the Arizona Republic, in which, the aforementioned quote is included. Good news!

But wait... 

Here's the "I didn't see that coming" part of the story. The part that really gives you insight into my life and process... 

Shortly after I posted the list of Maya Angelou quotes to my Facebook page, my pal Michael T. Scott (look at his animations on YouTube) shared a Maya Angelou video with me.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/maya-angelou-for-froot-loops/n10940

Okay, so it's not exactly Maya, is it? If I had been eating Fruit Loops, while watching it, though, they may have shot out of my nose, into my coffee, and Michael would have gotten a virtual two punch. Close call. Incidentally, there are also too others just like this only for Pennzoil and Butterfinger. Which is your favorite?

Oh, and about that Dummy...

Go ahead and ask Michael about this. I told him I was going to steal it from his page to add to my blog, and he shot back with, "You can't steal something no one wants." 

Happy Sunday everyone! Be sure to follow the blog, because I plan to frequent it quite a bit more often! :)

Cheers,

Jamey

Challenge 2: February - A Poem a Day #15

Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2013

Note: Spies were following me in my dreams
they took the cat
he didn't know

Note: Spy music is playing
James Bond, Mission Impossible, that stuff
the spies don't know

Note: Cold coffee,
table strewn with valentine hearts,
Sherlock Holmes, Tales of Hollywood,
and receipts,
that's trackable

Note: Inspiration just struck...
Be back...