Sit, or Stand, and Don't Hit the Snooze Button

We make a decision every single moment. Send/Delete. Ask/Don't ask. Walk/Don't walk. Speak/Remain silent. Eat the cake/Don't eat the cake. Taste test arugula/Don't taste test arugula. Go for one more monkey lap/Wimp out. Sit, or stand, but don't wobble.

Here's my general morning rundown: "Should I hit snooze? What will I risk if I do, or don't? I'm too tired to think about this."

*Button press

"Oh crap, I shouldn't have hit snooze!"

"What should I wear? Is it Wednesday? Do I have something happening today, in which I should look fancy... fancier... some what more presentable than a day in which I sit in a room by myself? Is it Friday? Sure, this'll do."

"Should I feed the animals, or make my coffee first? Should I drink this coffee, or wait a few minutes so it doesn't sear my tongue? Should I water the plants? Is it going to rain? Do I have time to check the weather? I shouldn't be checking Facebook now. I opened this stupid device to check the weather. Okay, great it's going to rain. Should I close the window? Should I have picked a long sleeve shirt? What if the forecast is wrong? Crap! This outfit doesn't match at all now. Hair up? Hair down? I have to go. Keys? Check."

"Wait, I forgot to feed the cats. Did I lock the door? Also, my coffee is still on the counter, so... I guess I have time to turn around. Plus, this long sleeve shirt is really hot, and I should probably change. What will happen if I'm late? Forget it."

*Turn around.

These decisions are small, menial, insignificant, and as long as in some randomized order coffee is made, cats are fed, snooze is averted (enough), clothes are on, plants are moisturized, and at some point resembling "on time" I'm on the road, all is well -- easy peasy.

In this case, there's time to sit, stand, and even wobble.

Generally, we find more of a gray space in decision making, though, don't we? It's a bit blurrier when something is actually at stake; it's tougher. The order matters. The results differ. The cause and effect can quickly spiral into something unintentional. Signals may get picked up by the wrong pigeon, and misdelivered. Fear of choosing the doom door freezes us to our seat, and we can't stand. When we do, we start to pace. It's really weird in the gray area.

I imagine it looks something like neurons firing in every direction at once, madly scouring for that perfect moment from the past where the answer sits, waiting. There has to be something back there -- a red alert, a breaking news light, a talking raven, an episode of Ed, a shred of evidence, a regretful misstep, or a success story --  to glean information from, interpret, and send back in the form of an action plan. This,"Ah-ha," this "voila!" is what, in the end flips the switch from black to white, so that with confidence you can say, "Because of this or that, this is the solution... or that."

It turns out the gray area is not gray at all. It's actually wild with color. It's every color all at once. It's paint splatter, and alphabet soup, and gasoline, and sparklers, and sprinklers hitting you in the face. That's why you can only stay in it for so long, right? It's too wacky in there; it's too intense. It's like a rave (or so, I imagine). It's like Animaniacs dancing in your brain wacking you with TNT hammers.

Don't linger in the gray area. Sit, or stand. Don't wobble.

The thing about making a decision is you actually don't know if you made the right one until it's already done. You just have to make the best call you can at the time; pull the cord, jump, cross your fingers, and hope. If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. The answer is already there. The question, is the answer. Pick a path, any path. Choose your own adventure. Catch a train. Pop the bubble wrap. Do something... anything!

In 1999 I had a big mental drama about where to go to college -- stay close, or go far away. Study film? Study zoology? I pro/conned. I wrote an entire essay about "change" for a class assignment. (I'd like to dig that up). I asked everyone what I should do. Then, I left it to fate. I applied wherever I felt like, and I waited. In retrospect, I should've applied to more film schools. That's hindsight for you, sneaking up and poking you for being so dense. I digress.That's a completely different story.

Ultimately, I went to DU. I stayed close, and I studied film. The first couple of months were awful. I was certain it was a mistake. I'm a stickler for sticking it out, though, so I sat. I sat, and then one night I stood up and went out with some kids from class, and at the end of that quarter, I had two new friends. Two new friends, who still stand at my side 15 years later. (Okay, okay... so I already knew John from week one, but that's my Katy story, and I'm sticking to it). We met a soon-to-be college student a few weeks ago, who upon hearing how long we've been friends said, "Wow! I hope that happens to me." I hope it does.

I hope you all sit, until you can stand. I hope you pick a path, any path, and walk down it. Run, if you want. Do whatever you want really. Reach up and touch the leaves on the trees, look up at the clouds, jump over the sidewalk cracks, blast Paul Oakenfold's "Starry Eyed Surprise," and bob your head. No one is watching you. No one else is there. This is your path.

In the year 2000 I didn't know if I'd made the right decision, but I'd made one. I pulled the cord, and jumped, and in 2015, I wouldn't trade that decision for anything in the world. If Northwestern had said, "Okay!" I would've boarded a plane for Chicago. I would probably be sitting in an L.A. diner with one of my NHSI buddies, or maybe we would have lost touch during year one. There would be no Katy. There would be no John. There would be no Cindy. There would be no Ben. There would be no... Holy crap! I can't even go on with this, because it starts to get all Twilight Zone-esque.

*Exit the wormhole

The point is, we don't know. We don't know, and it doesn't matter. Whatever happened, happened. Whatever didn't happen, didn't. That's the way it works. You make a choice. You take the path. You listen to the universe if it talks to you. You listen to yourself if it doesn't.

There's not much time to waste in the gray area. There's no wobble. It's black and white. You make the best choice you can possibly make at the time, and then you jump. Type/Delete. Ask/Don't ask. Walk/Don't walk. Speak/Remain silent. Eat the cake/Don't eat the cake. Taste test arugula/Don't taste test arugula. Go for one more monkey lap/Wimp out. Sit, or stand.

Seriously, though... I shouldn't have hit snooze!

How to write your life... The pondering of the webisodes

So, this whole blog began because one day I said, "My life is like a sitcom. We're going to drag this out for years." It rolled on from there, and then every time something funny happened we started saying, "Oh! That has to be in a webisode." Now, I'm faced with the question. Where do I start? How do you write a series that really isn't about anything? Okay, it was about something, but then it took an unexpected twist, and the story changed back to nothing. No, not nothing exactly. It's about life, and friendship, and the funny stuff that happens every day. You know, that stuff that makes you say, "Oh! That has to be in a webisode."

The webisodes will be from my perspective (Documentary GoPro style), but where to begin... I suppose you begin at the beginning. The beginning is funny in retrospect. I guess that's the part I just didn't see coming... or did I? As Carol Burnett said, "Comedy is tragedy plus time." Yes, I believe our story will begin at a duck pond.

These are some other topics we'll cover.

1. I Didn't See that Coming
2. The Two Punch
3. Moscow Mules
4. How to Tame Your Kitten
5. Wear a Dress Wednesday
6. Phantom Photographer

The end. Or is it the beginning?

Guilt Tripping Your Goals: Face-to-Face vs. FaceSpace

I set out 10 days ago to write a blog a day for 30 days. This only seemed possible, because I had three different blogs going. This one, one on genealogy (familyinatree.wordpress.com), and another reviewing old movies (youmayclap.wordpress.com). I've missed the past two nights. At first I felt guilty about that. I joined a blogging event, I set a goal, and I was going to complete it gosh darn it. I'd written for seven nights in a row, only to fail the task at hand after a week.

I no longer feel guilty about that, and this is why...

On Thursday night I had friends over for games, and spent a couple of hours afterwards snuggling and watching a show with my boyfriend. By the time I had time to write a blog it was midnight, and that's bedtime. The thought of firing up my computer, coming up with something to say, typing it up, and posting in enough time to get a good night's sleep seemed unlikely. Besides, whatever I'd have typed up at that point would've seemed thrown together, and completely unfair to you, my followers and me, myself.

On Friday night I drove an hour to have dinner and play board games with more friends, and by the time I got home it was well-past sleep time for a 7:30 a.m. crew call at work the next morning. There would be no blog tonight either.

Excuses, you say? Maybe. Hear me out, though.

How much time do we all spend everyday on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, blogs, etc. etc. and so forth so forth? How many of us have felt overwhelmed, fed up, or somewhat removed from this type of communication? Odds are almost all of us have thought about giving it up, or even managed to temporarily stay off of our most addictive site. Truth is, we probably can't, nor should we, completely give it up. Personally, I think of the people I would lose touch with if I called Facebook quits, and I'm not sure that the loss would be worth the gain. After all, it is a useful tool for talking to people who are out of state, country, or work opposite schedules from us. Ten years ago we would've just lost touch. Now, that's only an option if no one puts forth any effort at all. It's also a great networking tool, and I've met lots of awesome and talented people because of these sites. I believe the ultimate solution is not to give up social networking, but rather really taking the effort to add more (when did this become a phrase?) face-to-face interaction with your facebook (or other social networking site) friends.

My blogs are important. I love writing, and sharing my ideas, and hopefully one day creating some dialogues from them. I don't love them more than my friends and family though. The real tragedy would be to hear me say, "I'm sorry ____, I can't see you tonight. I have to write my blog." or "Sorry ___, I can't come over, I need to catch up on Facebook." Sadly, a year ago you might've heard me say the former.

The point?

I will never feel guilty about passing up an hour or two working on a short-term goal (or even a long-term one) for the people in my life. My blog is still here today, and I had a great new subject to write about, because of not writing. Don't get me wrong, goals are important. You can't goof around all of the time to the point where you never accomplish anything, but keep your priorities in balance. Schedule equal times towards your goals and your relationships, and slowly you'll start to find that happy balance between time with yourself and time with others.

So back to that Facebook dilemma.... I challenge you to find one of your Facebook friends who you haven't seen in awhile, and would genuinely like to catch up with in person. Then, get together with them. It can be anyone. Just make it someone you don't normally see, or someone who you work with, but never talk to outside of that space. Once you start adding more real friendships to your life, Facebook will no longer be your prime means of interacting with people, but a little bonus to what you already have, or even better just a means of organizing real phone, or in-person conversation.

Next time...
Haikus.
Good night everyone, and (in my best Edward R. Murrow voice), good luck.