How to Bounce... Better (Getting over heart break, and getting back to you)

You might find better advice, but I doubt it.

---

If you're reading this, my guess is you're either a friend or family member who's just humored me by clicking a link, or you're someone who really needs to read what I have to say. I hope you need to read this, because I'm writing it for you. If you feel heartbroken, trapped, and alone with your pain, then read on. It's a list. Pick what you like, leave what you don't. Add to it if you wish.

I'm writing this, because you think you're alone, but you're not. Maybe in this very moment that's how it seems, because frankly that's how it seemed to me. I want you to know, though, that's the most powerful feeling you can possess. You've worn out your friends, and family -- you want to stop troubling them with your hurt, and now you're alone... figuring out what to do next. Guess what, now you can bounce back. Now you know what the bottom looks like, and that you don't want to be there any longer. It won't be easy. It won't be instant, but it will be the best thing you'll ever do for yourself... EVER! I speak from complete experience (with references, if you wish).

1. Make a happy playlist -- mine was titled "Musical Serotonin." Don't put ANY sad songs on the list. Don't put ANY songs about how he/she done did you wrong on the list. Only put songs that make you feel empowered. Skip Adele, she'll do you good later, but not now. When you find a song that makes you feel better. listen to it as many times as you want during the day. Live and breath the words to that song. When you feel low, repeat the lyrics in your head. Hold on tight to the hope that song gives you.

2. Get rid of the physical memories of the person who hurt you. Take everything they gave you, or anything that reminds you of them, and put it in a box. Stash it away where it's out of sight. If you feel comfortable getting rid of items now, then do. I recommend waiting, though, because you might put things in there that you'll regret getting rid of later. Also, if you keep it, then once you're feeling better, you'll get the added pleasure of taking all of those things and either throwing them away for good (then piling rotten food on top, before taking it to the dumpster) OR putting them back where they go (if they were yours in the first place -- a mail key, a DVD, a book, etc.).

3. Lean on your friends and family like they're your lifeline, but stop talking about your ex with them. Enjoy their company. Remember, they're the ones who love you anyway. Odds are that you've laughed, yelled, and cried with them over and over. Yet, they chose you again and again. Choose them, and forget the one who left you behind. They accept you, and love you for a reason. Let them remind you.

4. Do the things you love. Some advice books will tell you to try something new. I tried a few new things (club hopping, volunteering at a Habitat for Humanity retail store, etc.) and honestly they just made me feel empty. There's a time for new things, and there's a time for expanding upon the things you already love. Once I started watching old movies, writing, and hiking, I started to find myself again. The time to create a new and improved self will come. Right now, you just need to find something to remind you that you're still there. Do something old, but in a new way. You'll enjoy it, and still get that challenge of conquering something that's all your own.

5. Get sunshine. This is really important. I read somewhere that you should get 40 minutes of sunshine a day to boost your serotonin levels, and even to produce the proper amount of melatonin for sleeping. Start the day with a 15-20 minute walk. It not only wipes away the sleep, but it give you an instant happiness boost. Trust me, after a few days of doing this, you'll crave that sunshine like a drug. Enjoy that time in the sun before you tackle the rest of your day.

6. At the start of a new month, make a resolution to pick something each day that you're thankful for. Post it to your facebook, twitter, or blog pages, or keep it in a journal. Think big and small, but never include your ex. By the end of that month, you'll see so many wonderful things in your life (some that you've probably taken for granted) that you'll realize there's a lot more to you than that one person who's gone.

7. Stop eating junk. I know it's hard. Is there really any greater comfort than ice cream or chocolate? Well, maybe cheeseburgers and beer. Stop. Try to eat healthy for a week. Focus on getting enough lean protein (turkey is a happiness booster), fruit, vegetables, and water. You'll start feeling better, and feeling better about yourself at the same time. It'll probably stick, because you'll feel so much better.

8. Read advice books. You might find a few useful tips, but mostly they'll make you laugh. One book told me to go buy a river rock and keep it in a pouch in my purse. I guess I was supposed to rub it when I felt sad, or stressed. I could even add a scent to it. I wanted that river rock, because it was funny -- period. In case you're wondering, I never got one.

9. Try to laugh. Find a funny friend, and make sure to see or talk to them often. Odds are you'll have their humor to hang on to long into those strange alone hours. I had less luck with funny shows and books, but that's because I had trouble focusing during my lowest low. You might have better luck. A funny pet, though, is a gem as well! Laugh with your pet, because like your friends and family, they still love you, and want to see you laughing.

10. This is the hardest task of all, but the only way you'll ever feel at peace is to forgive yourself. I was hung up on forgiving HIM. I was even certain I had. I just couldn't forgive me. One day, I realized I had it wrong. I didn't have to forgive him. He wasn't part of my life anymore. Myself, however, well I was stuck with me. Finding a way to really look at yourself, knowing that you messed up and that you HAVE to do better, well... that's the greatest gift you can ever give to yourself and those you love. Take what you've learned from this, pick up the pieces of you, and move forward with the knowledge that this will not happen again. Not like this, anyway. Forgive yourself, because once you do you'll suddenly start to see YOU in the mirror again, and realize that every single day there's something awesome around the corner...

Something you never even saw coming.

---

In my next entry (which really will follow soon) I'm going to completely change the tone. I absolutely needed to share my advice, but the time for revisiting one of the worst times of my life has past. What lies before me now is a life of contentment -- not perfection, not a lack of struggle, but peace. I have what every girl wants --- friends, family, a boyfriend, a great job, hobbies, and something that's hard to pin down -- it's a kind of inner piece that can only be found after complete destruction. It's a happiness that emanates from within; an honesty. It will come across in all blogs from this point forward.

The Catalyst

When someone seeks to destroy you, there are two options; you either let them, OR you take everything they have no control over and say, "Oh HELL no!" Now repeat it out loud slowly (you think I'm kidding), "Oh...HELL... no!" You say it, you believe it, and then one day you look at life completely different. You look at everything good as though it's golden, you smile and laugh more freely, and give more genuinely. The best way to stop someone from destroying you, is so simple that it takes a while to really grasp...

---

It's a rough thing getting your heart beaten to a pulp; bits of it mashed against every wall you look at; lurking on every computer screen, in every song, on every TV, and even in the faces of those closest to you. How do you conquer those evil bits of what's left? How do you bounce back from the beating? I'd long-assumed I wasn't the type of person to let someone knock me out so completely. I never knew what rock bottom looked like, until suddenly I was THAT girl. I was Adele rolling in the deep, and it was an ugly, lifeless, empty place. It's a place completely beyond understanding until suddenly there you are. I'd skipped through 29 years without ever enduring such complete, and seemingly endless suffering. Surely I'd had my heart broken before. Surely, this was not the man to break me. Yet, there I was... staring into space, crying into my coffee, and hoping that one day I would say the one thing that would bring him back.

I'm embarassed to speak of that time. I had self help books for bageezies! That said, somewhere in the middle of the mess, I realized how many others must've been through this; how all I needed was someone to reach out to who had not only been there, but had bounced back... with force. My greatest comfort became looking into the faces of strangers, and imagining their stories. What pain had they endured? I clung to the personal histories of acquaintances who had rebounded from nightmares, and I said to myself: "How did they get to a place where they're seemingly okay? What did they do? If they can carry on, so can I." Slowly, I went from walking dead, to a flicker of my former self, then finally after months of living only half a life I became the one thing I'd unknowingly lost sight of years earlier... After this disaster, cheesy as it may sound, I re-found... me.

In the past several years, I've seen my brain scanned, been tortured by mystery stomach pain, had my car mashed twice during a 32-car pile up, spun multiple times on the highway, and witnessed more life and death than I care to share while working at a news station. Nothing inspired me to start fresh, though I thought it would've, until this. This seemingly ordinary broken heart that forced me to re-examine everything that had ever been, everything that was, everything I'd done right, wrong, or indifferently. I looked at it all, and then... one day I woke up free, better, happy...

I didn't see that coming.

---

In my next post I'll share the absolute BEST advice I found about how to recover. Most of the things I read were crap, some were ridiculous, and then there were the absolute gems. I'm a list girl, and so that's where I'll start. Lists, by the way, will be a common part of my blog. Also, after the next few posts, I hope for things to get much, much funnier. But, all things start somewhere, and this dear readers, is where I choose to begin... This will be a blog about a life, but right now it's a story of how I looked destruction in the face and said, "Oh HELL no!"