The Poetry of the Socially Anxious #3

Mostly,

over socialization drains me,

like coke frozen overnight,

BAM! The explosion of faces

makes me appear normal on the outside,

while inside the bloating has 

hollowed

what was once enthusiastic 

bubbling triumph,

to emptiness with sticky residue 

The Poetry of the Socially Anxious #2

I lived in the shadows,
most of my life

Not the dark corners,
where,
drug dealers
and convicts hide,
just those grayish areas
where you'd rather remain,
unseen

Not out of loneliness,
friends were always
by the handful,
nor lack of agenda,
life goals fill an expandable
notebook buried
deep in the shadows,
unknown

An embarrassment,
perhaps,
at unintelligible chatter,
being translated by the
naked ear as me, with an IQ
much lower than accurate,
true knowledge, unseen

Yes, but then,
shadows became
maddening, and true self
tried to win,
standing in the light,
standing out,
meeting so many new faces
shrouded by too much sunlight
that
it's hard to remain in the light
unseen

The Poetry of the Socially Anxious #1

There are ways to battle social anxiety, namely by socializing... I just wanted to take a moment to ponder this uphill battle.

A party bus,
bound for a 70's themed
excuse to emboozify,
to mummify strangers into
companionship,
doors shut me out

New "friends"
ride into the night,
"catch the next one,"
they call,
tears strike
as alone in the dark
in an unfamiliar campus
with shoes that cut me,
I succumb to
the safety patrol bus,
which takes me home

The only safe place,
always home.

Crowds,
since the beginning
unnerving,
four or more people,
whether known or not
shut me down,
shut me out,
make it impossible to utter
complete sentences,
only phrases,
then tears strike

stupid, shy, snobby,
a smorgosboard of "s" words
destined to describe me.

The only safe place,
always home.

Newspaper splatterings,
and social network murmur,
friendings and minglings,
people who've met you,
but don't remember

Loneliness,
never my only friend,
always one or two or three
or ten, on which to "depend,"
progress
has no rules that match
the quick tick of time,
one day splendid,
the next day fine,
but without exception,
soon the need to hide,
shut them out,
cry.

The only safe place,
always home.

A film premiere,
meant for me,
200 some people,
the actresses, a few friends, family
the after party,
just an appetizer room
with wine,
heavenly wine,
no one mingled with me,
even though the film, it was mine
17 days straight, I worked until I almost died,
and my only friend was myself that night.

doors shut me out,
which takes me home,
always home,
then the tears strike,
destined to describe me,
always home,
don't remember,
cry,
always home,
and my only friend was myself that night.

Challenge 3: March - A Musician/Band a Day #7

I listened to Alice in Chains' album Dirt this morning twice through while I was going through some boxes in my spare room. I mean, it was mostly noise. Nothing stood out. To each his/her own, yes?

I started to listen to my next selection Harmonium by John Adams. It's an interesting concept... orchestral and choir arrangements based on famous poetry by writers such as Emily Dickinson. I was liking it... I'll get back to it tomorrow...

Challenge 3: March - A Musician/Band a Day #6 pt. 2

Drat! I fell a day behind. I've been listening to The Allman Brothers Band since Thursday. The album I've been listening to, At Fillmore East, is tauted as one of the greatest live rock recordings of all time. The recordings were made over the course of four shows at Manhattan's Fillmore East audiorium. I can see why... it's a fun romp. I've found myself tapping my toes and hands along as I work and clean to this... I can't choose which ones to star, because they're all good.

Next up... Alice in Chains' Dirt...

Challenge 3: March - A Musician/Band a Day #6

I'm listening to The Allman Brothers Band's album At Fillmore East. I'll report more in the morning...

Challenge 3: March - A Musician/Band a Day #5

So today I listened to an Ethiopian musician. You really can't say that everyday. Well, I suppose you could, but I really doubt you do. I listened to Mahmoud Abmed's album, Ere Mela Mela. I have no idea what any of it meant, but I loved it. According to Don Moon in his book 1,000 Recordings to Hear Before You Die, from which this challenge originated, the album's title song is about a faraway love. Whatever it's about, it got a star from me, as did a few other songs on this album. I'll listen to this again, and maybe figure out what some of it means...

Challenge 3: March - A Musician/Band a Day #4

Yesterday, I listened to Shakin' in the Rafters by The Abyssinian Baptist Choir.  I suppose I shouldn't have listened to this while reading a strange YA fantasy novel, right? It felt like too stark a contrast. I mean, it was gospel and it was upbeat, and I starred the song "I Want to Ride that Glory Train."

Today, whenever I was writing, rendering, or reading I listened to Ryan Adams' Heartbreaker. I was cheating a bit, because I've heard Ryan Adams before. I love his sound. I decided this could count, though, because I hadn't listened to this album, or at least, not all the way through. I'll probably star the whole thing, but the standouts right now are, "To Be Young (Is to Be Sad, is to Be High)" and "Oh My Sweet Carolina."

Challenge 3: March - A Musician/Band a Day #3

Yesterday I listened to the album Blu Blu Blu by The Muhal Richard Abrams Orchestra. When I first started listening I enjoyed it, but as I played it later in the day as a background track to reading, I found it agitating. Then, I don't care much for Jazz... It had a lot of unique sounds, though, I'll give it that.

Tonight, I'm listening to the album Shakin' in the Rafters by The Abyssinian Baptist Choir. It's hard not to be drawn into gospel music... so snappy!

Challenge 3: March - A Musician/Band a Day #2

Yesterday I listened to the first recording listed in 1,000 Recordings to Hear Before You Die. It's alphabetical. I was stuck listening to ABBA. The album chosen by author Tom Moon was Gold.

I'll admit that after a few listens it grew on me a bit, but I still don't think I'd go out of my way to listen to most of their material. They're a bit much for me. Still, the author is right, the lesser known hits are much better. I put stars next to: "I have a Dream," "Take a Chance on Me," "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)", and "Thank You for the Music."

Today, I'm listening to the album Blu Blu Blu by The Muhal Richard Abrams Orchestra. I thought I didn't like jazz, but I'm loving this...